For our struggle is not against flesh and blood but against the rulers, against the authorities, against the powers of this dark world and against the spiritual forces of evil in the heavenly realms. (Ephesians 6:12)
The Truth that will set us FREE is: believing that in any disagreement, the other person is not the problem. The real problem is deception. In most disputes we tend to see only our brother's wrong, but not our own. When we do that, we end up taking the broad, easy road rather than the one less- traveled. The easy way allows our pride to get in the way and we follow the enemy's scheme to divide and conquer. Thus, we give in to the temptation to judge the other person as being wrong rather than seeking God for clarity and submitting ourselves to His will, regarding the issue. If we would seek first the Kingdom of God where Peace and Love rule, and His righteousness, we would soon be reconciled to one another. However, instead of humbling ourselves, too often we fall into the trap of focusing on what the other person has said or done "to us." Thus, we believe the LIE that our struggle really is against this other flesh and blood person.
Taking this wrong view which is contrary to God's word, sets us up to accuse one another instead of responding in LOVE as God has done by loving and forgiving us. But unless we humble ourselves and go to God with the issue, the pride of "believing we are right" will lead us astray as we seek to save our "self" and justify our behavior. Even in cases where we may be right about an external issue, still our unloving attitude is a sin that turns our heart away from God. Since LOVE keeps no record of wrongs, we find that by maintaining our perspective, we cannot love.
Whenever we act unloving, we automatically offset any resulting guilt we feel by blaming someone else. The Bible says offenses will come, but when someone hurts us, if we don't immediately go to the Lord and receive His LOVE, we will not have the ability to forgive the one who has hurt us. So, resentment and bitterness will start to take root. As that happens, a deep-seated animosity grows in our heart toward the other person. This animosity leads to loathing, which is sin and contrary to scripture. We know we are called to LOVE, so we feel guilty.
In a sense, each of us has within a set of balance scales that we unconsciously use to measure behavior. Amazingly, we are able to justify any sinful behavior in ourselves by seeing the wrong another has done as so much worse that what we have done. While we see ourselves through rose-colored glasses, we examine the offender with a magnifying glass. God has told us not to use differing weights, so when we do this, our guilt intensifies.
Guilt is a tormenting feeling which we seek to get rid of, therefore we try to justify our hatred by adding more weight to what the other person did to us. We do this by bringing up everything they ever did wrong and adding it to their side of the scale. Thus, we seek to get rid of our guilt by blaming the offending party and neither person is free to LOVE until we stop seeking to save self by picking up our cross to follow Jesus.
Problems in relationships are usually the result of both parties doing things their own way instead of following God's plan that leads to life and blessing. We must humble ourselves by repenting and seeking God for our wrong attitudes and for following the Adamic nature that always wants to blame someone else for his or her sin. This wrong attitude will only keep us in bondage.
We must remember that Jesus came to set the captives FREE, but we must LISTEN TO HIM! Jesus said, "I have given you an example, that you should do as I have done to you." (John 13:15) Here Jesus, by washing the disciples feet, showed us that we are to humbly serve one another and help one another walk in the Spirit so we won't fulfill the lusts of the flesh. Whenever we are more concerned with how someone has hurt us, which is self-pity, rather than how we have perhaps unwittingly offended him, we are acting selfishly and need to repent. Repent means to change your mind and think God's thoughts. When we think right thoughts, right actions will follow. Thus, having the mind of Christ, LOVE and forgiveness will flow and we will be reconciled to one another because God's LOVE never fails.
You shall love the Lord your God with all your heart ... and your neighbor as yourself. (Luke 10:27)